Conversations
by DreamingAngelWolf
Summary: A series of seemingly unimportant conversations between one master assassin with a metal arm and one master sassassin with a Taser. (Bucky/Darcy, drabble collection, somewhat fluffy.)
1. Stop My Heart

**AN: **This all started because I wasn't sure I was writing Darcy very well in my first Bucky/Darcy fic 'When Winter Strikes'. After one conversation, I wrote another, and then decided 'Hey, why not write 'em whenever I feel like it?'. So that's exactly what I'm doing. ^_^

Bucky nearly dies in an Avengers battle. Darcy's there when he wakes up from surgery.

* * *

Stop My Heart

"Hey beautiful."

"'Hey beautiful'? 'Hey beautiful'? You come within an inch of dying right outside my window and that's the first thing you say when you don't die? 'Hey beautiful' – do you have any idea how much I wanna slap you right now? I mean, what the hell were you thinking? And then what the hell weren't you thinking? 'Cause it doesn't look like guns-bullets-dead was on your mind at all! And I know you're like a semi-superhero and you have a not-very-human metal arm, but you've still got a regular human heart as far as I know, and it's pretty common knowledge – especially to freaking assassins – that bullets fired from guns stop human hearts, regardless of previous experience with said guns or plain old dumb luck! And don't you dare try and tell me it was one of those spur-of-the-moment things, 'cause if that were true then someone else like 'I'm the indestructible circus guy!' Clint or 'I have to save my friends first!' Sam might be in here too – and that's another thing: you had a team with you! Couldn't spare a couple of seconds to call them in for backup? Have Natasha watching your six or whatever it is she does when you two get all comrade-y? Steve has a freaking shield! You still don't see him going in without a buddy-cop, and he hasn't even been doing the whole super-dude thing as long as you! Technically. Which is point C: isn't 'don't run head-first into danger alone' one of the first things they teach assassins and superheroes? Or does the program need updating, because I would happily do that right now – yes, with you as exhibit A! Tell you what, why don't you give me a quote, hm? A few words to sum up getting shot in the chest on your own dime. Something I can put next to a picture of your sorry ass so future buttheads are less likely end up in the Idiots' Hall of Infamy."

"… My last thoughts were of you."

"… You…"

"I'm sorry for making you worry."

"… Goddammit, Barnes, now look what you made me do! Ugh. Well at least I didn't put on any make-up today. Totally 'cause I thought you deserved to see my bare-naked ugly face as punishment and not because I didn't wanna waste time. Stop smirking."

"Not. Chest hurts."

"Oh."

"You're – water?"

"I'm water? What in the nine realms – oh! Water, right, got it… Here."

"Thanks… You're still beautiful, y'know."

"… Shut up, Barnes. Awake for five minutes and you haven't even kissed me yet? What kind of idiotic not-dead superhero are you?"


	2. A Very Important Day

**AN: **Bucky wants pancakes. Darcy could do without that particular drama.

It's pancake day. How could I resist? (This was written on Pancake Day...)

* * *

A Very Important Day

"Darcy."

"…"

"Darcy, wake up."

"Uh-uhn."

"Darcy, come on!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No, nope, and nyet!"

"Yes, hell yeah, and da."

"Ugh, why?"

"Because it's Pancake Day! You know what that means."

"Yeah, I do – means you make a mess, I try and salvage the wreckage, you get pancake mix in my hair, we get it all over the kitchen, we go shower, we have shower sex, then we come out to find that goddamn Steve Rogers has cleaned our entire apartment and is making the most goddamn perfect pancakes without complaint; then he proceeds to tell us not to feel guilty, and to top it all off he sits there looking perplexed when I force you to wash the dishes even though he offered, because he really is America's goddamn poster boy and he's so goddamn nice."

"… Actually, I was gonna say we should go down to that breakfast diner you found the other day. You know, the one with the waitress who looks like Agent Hill? And, uh, 'goddamn' Steve's not here this week, so when we come back we can proceed with the mess-making and shower sex without any subsequent feelings of guilt."

"… You paying?"

"For you doll, always."

"Then you better start counting down to that shower, Buckeroo, 'cause Pancake Day's about to become Christmas."


	3. Sneaking is Bad

**AN: **Bucky snuck. Darcy struck.

* * *

Sneaking is Bad

"Remember when I said we should spend Saturday in? This wasn't the 'in' I was thinking of."

"Hey, why don't you look on the bright side?"

"There's really a bright side here?"

"Sure there is. Um… It's nice to be somewhere different besides the gym or the apartment."

"It's R&amp;D, doll."

"Worse places to be than R&amp;D…"

"Nicer places, too. Places we could be had your finger not 'slipped'."

"It happens!"

"Not that drastically, Lewis. Seriously, who taught you that move? No, wait, I already know."

"Well at least you know I can defend myself now."

"Yeah. First hand. Doesn't mean I'm not going to make Barton suffer for this."

"Come on, I said I was sorry, Bucky! Don't go after Clint as well."

"You know Stark's probably gonna give me a miniature rocket launcher, right? Or make it so my hand actually turns into a damned gun; put some kind of Iron Man-style blaster in the palm, or something."

"Ooh, you could get a laser pointer in your finger! What? Laser pointers are cool."

"If you give him any ideas –"

"Me, Stark, ideas, nope, no, of course not, arm is an arm and nothing more… But I do have one, really small suggestion that you might like… I make it all up to you through pancakes, ice cream, cheesy fifties flicks and letting you have your way with me in the bedroom?"

"… What kind of ice cream?"

"Mint choc chip."

"… Okay. That might be enough."

"Yay. And I mean it – I really am sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, I know… Still can't believe you Taser-ed my arm."


	4. Name It

**AN: **Bucky is wrong. Darcy will reap the benefits.

* * *

Name It

"One of them is definitely up to something, and I'm sure it's Sergeant Woofums."

"No, I don't see it. That paw print looks more like it belongs to PC Furry."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean look at the shape of it. Matches pretty well with the breed."

"Alright Mr Dog Expert – why not put your money where your mouth is?"

"You want to make a bet out of this?"

"Course I do. I'm right and I know it."

"Okay then. Name your price, doll."

"… If it is Woofums' print, you take me and that little Avengers black card to Macy's for a day of shopping and self-indulging. I'm gonna take those raised eyebrows as a 'yes'. Your turn."

"Hang on a sec, when you said 'price' –"

"You wanted a deal, this is how I deal. Now go."

"Fine then. If it's Furry's print, you have to wear that dress that Jan made you to Tony's expo next week."

"What? But I can't even fit in it!"

"It's tailored to your measurements."

"That means nothing! It's too nice to wear, I can't ruin it – don't make me wear it!"

"Well I don't particularly wanna be dragged around Macy's! Besides, I thought you already knew you were right?"

"… You're right. I am right. I won't have to wear the dress – so deal accepted."

"Great. But I think we'll have to wait and see, doll."

"You'll be the one who sees, Buckster."


	5. Dreamers

**AN: **Bucky has a bad night. Darcy tries to make it better.

* * *

Dreamers

"Bucky? You okay?"

"… Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I… I just…"

"What happened?"

"It doesn't –"

"What. Happened?"

"… The usual. Memories, not-memories, a lot of… blood, and –"

"Hey, it's okay. They're just dreams, right?"

"Darcy, you know that's not true."

"Come here… Whatever they are, dreams or memories or a bit of both, that's all they are. I mean sure, they might've happened at some point, but at some point in the past. You're a different person now – a ten-times better person – and that's who I see when I dream."

"You dream about me, huh?"

"Course I do, Hot Stuff. You're always sweeping me off my feet, rescuing me from Stark-bots threatening to make my Taser into a rocket launcher, taking me to beaches, melting my heart simply by smiling at me… Yeah, just like that. That's what I wanna see."

"I'm sorry, Darce."

"Don't be. Hey, lie down; you can tell me about how you'd rescue me from killer clowns."

"Killer clowns?"

"Clowns are freaky-ass motherfuckers, and you're my hero, don't judge."

"Wouldn't dream of it, doll."


	6. Excuse Me

**AN: **Bucky has to miss Thanksgiving. Darcy is... displeased.

* * *

Excuse Me

"I cannot believe you!"

"Darce –"

"You're seriously doing this to me?"

"It's not –"

"Your fault, I know, I know, but I'm still mad!"

"C'mon doll –"

"No, don't you 'doll' me, Barnes! This may be out of your control, and it may just be the universe punishing me for accidentally shredding one of Coulson's cards, but I'm still mad and you're still you, therefore I'm mad at you, 'cause being mad at the universe takes a whole lot more effort that I don't have right now. And it sucks even more that you'll be in freaking Arizona, especially when it's Thanksgiving – what the hell even is there to pillage in Arizona besides Phoenix? Anyway, you're gonna be all the way over there and it means I'm gonna be all alone and –"

"You'll hardly be alone, Darcy."

"But I'll have to deal on my own! Without you! I'll be without you and that – oh my god, this is going to be terrible, I just know it."

"Hey, you'll be just fine."

"And if I'm not, you can be damn sure the next thing to pillage Arizona is my frigging corpse!"

"… Right, that's… Listen, try not to worry about it, 'kay? I can come over as soon as we're done."

"I know you will. Still not soon enough… Ugh, can't believe I'm even letting you get away with this!"

"The Captain called, doll. Can't ignore the order to suit up, whether you let me or not – that dragon doesn't look like it's getting bored anytime soon. And I promise: as soon as the cleanup's done and debrief's over, I'll catch the first plane out there. Hell, maybe I'll manage to convince Barton to play taxi, just for you."

"You better, 'cause I already know what my mom's gonna say. 'Darcy Lewis, I've been telling you since you were six, 'a dragon ate it' is not a viable excuse for why things go missing'. I swear to God, at this rate she'll never believe you exi- Stop – kissing – I hate you Barnes."


	7. It's Not Kinky

**AN: **Bucky likes having plain old sex. Darcy wants to make things a little more 'decorative'.

Maybe a bit early, but ideas don't necessarily wait for the calendar to roll by.

* * *

It's Not Kinky

"Ah, I love Christmas sex."

"How's it different to any other sex?"

"I don't know, it just… is. Like, Christmas makes everything special, y'know? Ooh – but you know what would make it different? If we Christmassed it up. Maybe with tinsel… Or Santa hats and reindeer ears, baubles, snowflakes… Is fake snow too much? What? What's that face for? You'd look cute as a reindeer."

"I respectfully disagree. And I do think fake snow is too much. I think all of it is too much."

"Aw, come on Buckeroo, where's your Christmas spirit?"

"Just because I'm old enough to be frickin' Santa Clause doesn't mean I want to dress up like him."

"But you'd make such a sexy – okay, fine, no Santa hats or reindeer antlers or fake snow."

"Or baubles."

"What? Why not? What's wrong with pretty baubles?"

"I know you, you'd want to hang them from my – look as innocent as you want, that just confirms you were thinking it. I don't want them hanging from anywhere on my body. So no baubles."

"Fine. Tinsel and snowflakes it is then."

"Hang on –"

"My mom knows this place –"

"No no –"

"– all kinds of colours –"

"We're not –"

"– think Walmart does snow, but how mu- mm! Okay – are we – going again?"

"If it means you stop planning on tormenting me with Christmas decorations, then God yes, we're going again!"

* * *

**AN: **You know Sebastian Stan would look adorable with reindeer antlers. Don't deny it - you pictured it, and took a small moment. ;P


	8. Options

**AN: **Bucky suggests the game. Darcy switches up the rules.

* * *

Options

"Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins."

"Uh… Ackles, Collins, Padalecki."

"Thought so."

"Alright… Angelina Jolie, Kristen Stewart, Nicole Kidman."

"Easy: Nicole, Angelina, then Stewart."

"Sounds like you thought about that already."

"Shut up. Okay – John Barrowman, David Tenant, Benedict Cumberbatch."

"Seriously? Fine… Same order. Barrowman, Tenant, Cumberbatch."

"That's mean."

"That's my opinion."

"I don't like your opinion."

"Tough cookies. Lana Parilla, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Morrison."

"Ooh, that's hard… Jennifer, Ginnifer, Lara. Though I do like her, just sayin'."

"Fair enough."

"Same theme for you – Robert Carlyle, Colin O'Donoghue, Josh Dallas."

"Whoa, uh… O'Donoghue, Dallas, Carlyle."

"Hold it right there – you want to fuck Colin O'Donoghue?!"

"Well, out of the three you gave me –"

"Why did I not know this sooner!"

"Darcy –"

"You do realise you would have to fight me for him, don't you? Unless – oh my god, we could have a threesome!"

"I think we should play a different game now."


	9. Cuddle Me Stupid

**AN: **Bucky isn't drunk. Darcy's okay with that.

* * *

Cuddle Me Stupid

"Hey! You're home early… And you're feeling cuddly… I can get with that."

"You're cuddly."

"Thank you. It's a unique style, hard to pull off for most people. Wait – are you drunk?"

"Not drunk. More like… buzzy-drunk."

"You went out with Tony Stark and you only got buzzed before coming home early? Holy shit did you pass up an opportunity!"

"Shh, no talking, just cuddling."

"… What's up, cuddle-Bucky?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Not just because you're cuddly."

"Uh, great –"

"Not just 'cause you're pretty, either. I mean, you're beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous, but you got the personality to match... Like, you're really smart, and you got a way of blindsiding people with it 'cept when you're being all wise-crackin'. And when they laugh, you get all… happy… Like it when you laugh, too. 'S a nice sound, best sound in the world. You should always laugh. And smile. And put PB 'n J on your pancakes, even though you use that really gross brand. And look all sleepy in the morning. Use weird nicknames for everyone. Do that thing where you always try a three-pointer with your rubbish and cheer yourself if you get it in. Get too attached to TV characters. Dance like a tree to that Jackson whatever song. Try and pretend you're not ticklish – and I know you'll never actually tase me for ticklin' you so stop using it as a threat… You're just incredible, Darcy, and I came home 'cause Steve brought Sharon along, the punk, and she's nice 'n all, but she ain't got nothin' on you doll. And, y'know, they kept lookin' at each other like they were gonna – I dunno, fuckin' melt into each other or somethin'… But it made me think of you, and all the stupid faces you'd pull behind their backs, and it was too quiet 'cause you weren't making jokes about… things, or winding Tony up with your special logic… So I decided that Boys' Night sucked and I wanted to come home and be with you instead 'cause I missed you."

"Aw, you say the sweetest things, Buzzy… Bucky… Bucky? You falling asleep on me? You wanna take it to the bed or are you just gonna doze right here? … Alright, here it is. I'll just go and get a bl- Okay, or I could stay where I am, yep, nothing wrong with that. You make a fine human blanket anyway. Even with your pokey metal bit… I am totally talking to myself right now."


	10. This is Definitely Not Kansas

**AN: **Bucky did not agree to this. Darcy planned it anyway.

* * *

This is Definitely Not Kansas

"Remind me again why I have to pretend to be made of more metal than I already am?"

"Because, Tin Man, this is a group costume, and you're the perfect fit for the character."

"Not Stark?"

"One, Stark is not my boyfriend; two, he and Pepper have a couple's costume, and I will be damned if we are breaking up that masterpiece of harmony!"

"I wouldn't call it – Alright, but if this is a group thing, don't we need other people?"

"We have other people."

"Who?"

"Well, I'm Dorothy, obviously, and you're the Tin Man, then Steve's the Cowardly Lion –"

"What? He's anything but a Cowardly Lion!"

"I know, that's why it's ironic, dummy."

"Ironic? Really?"

"Yep. Anyway – Steve's the Lion, and Clint is the Scarecrow."

"Why on earth is Clint the Scarecrow?"

"Because Lucky's being Toto! God, Barnes, Tin Man's problem was heart, not brains."

"You're right, such an obvious connection: terrier, one-eyed mixture of who knows wh- ow!"

"Stop being mean about Lucky. And stop pouting – we're gonna look so badass when we're all together! Totally gonna win Tony's stupid little trophy… Aw, c'mon Bucky, aren't you looking forward to this at least a little bit? Just think how cute Steve's gonna look as a lion!"

"… Well, that dress does look pretty amazing, doll. Judy Garland's got nothin' on you."

"Gosh Mr Barnes, that's awfully nice of you to say… Hey – no – lipstick – lipstick!"

"Can't a guy with no heart look for a little love from a gorgeous girl?"

"Not yet. Later, after we win. I promise… Oh! I also got Stephen Strange to agree to play the Wizard of Oz, but I don't know if he'll show up. If he does, we've won, hands down."

"He won't hop into a balloon and disappear without me if I ask him to go home, will he? Ow! My head's not actually made of metal, y'know!"


	11. Here and There

**AN: **Bucky got lost. Darcy was worried.

* * *

Here and There

"Bucky? Is that you?"

"Hey Darce."

"Oh my God, you moron! Do you have any idea how worried we've all been? Where the hell are you? And is Clint there? Tell him he's an idiot too!"

"Yeah, Clint's here, but, uh… We don't exactly know where 'here' is."

"… Come again?"

"We woke up in a motel with a key to a S.H.I.E.L.D car in Clint's pocket, and that's all we know about last night. Guy at the desk was asleep, so we're kind of… lost…"

"You're lost."

"Yeah."

"With Clint.""Yeah."

"Do you still have the car?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Can either of you drive?"

"I think so."

"Then you get in that car and you drive until you find out where the hell it is you are, and you work your idiotic asses back here ASAP. If you don't turn up before tomorrow I'm bullying Tony into launching a search party, and I don't care what state he brings you back in because you can bet your brand new Christmas underwear that I am gonna seriously make the both of you regret doing that stupid dare until next New Year –"

"Hold on hold on, Darcy, Clint's just talking to someone… Where? Oh, shit."

"What is it? Where are you?"

"Uh…"

"James Barnes, don't you dare keep me waiting any longer –"

"We're in Minnesota… Darcy?… Hello?… Darcy, sweetheart, you still there?… I'll, uh, I'll see you soon… I love you… Fuck…"

* * *

**AN: **Happy New Year everyone!


	12. Cake

**AN: **Bucky gets a cake. Darcy gets it right.

* * *

'Cake'

"Keep going… Keep going… Keep go-"

"Ow!"

"Oh! Sorry, that's the sofa."

"Couldn't have warned me?"

"You're taller than me, in case you didn't notice. If you can't see something, how am I supposed to see it from behind you?"

"Darcy, you're the one who blindfolded –"

"Whatever, now go this way – yep, that's it, just a little further… Okay okay stop! Ready? … Ta-dah! I made you a cake!"

"Whoa."

"Happy Birthday, Bucky!"

"That looks amazing! Are we having a party or something?"

"Uh, no? I mean, we could, but I didn't think you wanted one?"

"Not really. I only asked 'cause that's one hell of a cake, Darce. What kind is it?"

"It's an Oreo pancake stack."

"A what?"

"An Oreo pancake stack."

"… As in, Oreos and pancakes?"

"It's an Oreo pancake batter mix I got off the net, and then I just smushed 'em all together with some Oreo cream filling thing. Neat, huh? … Oh my god, are you taking a picture?"

"Barton'll never believe this happened if I don't, and I don't think there'll be any left soon."

"So I take it that means we're eating this all ourselves?"

"Hell yes. I am now officially the luckiest goddamn person in New York City."

"I sincerely hope you still think that when we're puking later."

* * *

**AN: **Because today is apparently Bucky Barnes' birthday! Also, Oreo pancakes are a real thing. They look immense. I want.


	13. The Serious Stuff

**AN: **Bucky thinks realistically. Darcy thinks idealistically.

* * *

The Serious Stuff

"Bucky?"

"Mmh?"

"You ever think about the future?"

"Oh yeah. Still waiting for those flying cars Howard Stark promised."

"Yeah, _Back to the Future II _totally lied to us. But, um, have you thought about, y'know… us, in the future?"

"… What do you mean?"

"I dunno. Would you ever wanna get married? Build a house? Have kids? A dog?"

"You forgot white picket fences."

"That's implied in 'build a house'."

"Alright, sure, but – Darce, that kind of stuff's hard for people like us. We don't exactly lead normal lives. Danger's a big part of the week, for starters, and the after-effects can… linger."

"I know, but can't you imagine us being parents? We'd have a little boy or a little girl who was a bit like you and a bit like me, and every time you'd come home, they'd run to the door with the biggest grin on their face for a hug. We could take them cool places on the Quinjet for family holidays, maybe even Asgard – 'cause let's face it, they'll have the coolest set of uncles and aunts in the world."

"Warning you now, Steve Rogers would spoil any kid of ours rotten behind our backs. And let's not get started on the things Barton'd teach them."

"He'd regret it."

"I don't doubt it."

"… So, does this mean you'd be okay with kids? Even one?"

"Darcy, I would love to have children with you, really; but, I think we have to be a bit realistic here. The company we keep, my job, who I was in the past – it's just too dangerous to safely raise a kid."

"Yeah, I get that… What would you do, though, if we had one, say, unexpectedly?"

"… You're not – are you pregnant?"

"We'll know in about thirty seconds."


	14. Revelation

**AN: **Bucky makes a rescue. Darcy realises how much it means to them both.

* * *

Revelation

"Lewis?"

"Barnes? Here! Over here!"

"Are you hurt?"

"No –"

"Did they do anything to you?"

"Besides tie me up? No."

"Here, let me just…"

"Ah, finally! Thank you so – uh, Barnes?"

"What?"

"You're hugging me."

"… Yeah."

"… Cool. That's cool."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No no, hug away, hugging's fine, hugging's good. No complaints here. Look, I'm even hugging you back."

"I noticed."

"Is it okay for me to be hugging you back?"

"It's more than okay, Lewis."

"Right. Y'know, just checking… So I guess you uh, have to radio this in, don't you? Kinda like now?"

"I should."

"… You haven't moved."

"No."

"Good."


	15. Campbell's Conundrum

**AN: **Bucky's on a soup run. Darcy doesn't like the news.

* * *

Campbell's Conundrum

"You better be ringing me to tell me you have my soup."

"I wish I was."

"Then why are you ringing me? If you have to go Avenging now I swear to Odin –"

"No, I don't have to go 'Avenging'. I'm actually calling because I'm in the store, but I can't see any Campbell's chicken. I think they've run out."

"Barnes, if this is your idea of a joke, Tony's going to have to make you a new arm."

"I'm not that mean, Darce. I can see chicken noodle and chicken and mushroom, but no plain chicken. Sorry."

"The universe hates me."

"Don't be silly."

"I've been re-enacting the eruption of Vesuvius pretty spectacularly for the last ten hours, and the one thing I really, really want to make me feel better is gone. How is that not the universe's fault? You were Pompeii in that analogy, by the way."

"Yeah, I felt like it at the time."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know, and I told you: you're forgiven. Alright, well – there are loads of other brands here. I can get you one of them, or –"

"No! No weird not-Campbell's labels!"

"Or, I could ring Steve up and see if he remembers his mom's recipe? She made it a few times when we were kids and I loved it, I think. And if he doesn't remember, there's probably a decent recipe online somewhere. I can get the ingredients while I'm here."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course I would. I mean, it's not hard. It's soup."

"Bucky?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"And I love you. I'll give Steve a call now, okay? You get some rest. Chicken soup's coming."


End file.
